Political columnist Peter Roffey dropped off to sleep during the December States meeting. When he woke, slightly feverish, he’d had an intriguing dream about the political year ahead..

January

Deputy Carla McNulty Bauer is made honorary Latvian consul.
After the Mulkerrin report is published, Deputy Carol Steere admits that, just maybe, not everything is hunky dory at the Education Department, but adds, ‘Don’t get hysterical’.

February

Deputy David De Lisle is voted ‘team player of the year’ by fellow States members.
As Jersey increases GST to 10%, a new fulfilment industry springs up in Guernsey exporting low-value goods to the bigger island.
Egyptian and Syrian riot police spend a month in Guernsey studying armed response techniques.

March

There’s panic in the airline industry as the States announces a pre-election cash-saving cutback in overseas trips for deputies.
The financial transformation team proposes introducing tolls for using the south coast cliff paths.
The Commerce and Employment minister wonders why the level of service she receives in local hotels and restaurants has got so much worse in the last few months.

April

As Deputy Peter Sirett quits politics, he looks for a new career in public transport (right).
Ministers put the low turnout at the general election down to ‘public satisfaction with the States’ excellent performance’.

May

There’s outrage as Jersey scraps low value consignment relief on goods coming from Guernsey and PSD realises it will now have to pay GST on its rubbish.
With the election out of the way, the States announces important trade missions to the Maldives and the Seychelles.
Six newly-elected deputies immediately resign as they realise what the last lot have left for them to sort out.

June

New Commerce and Employment minister Deputy Rodney Brouard denies having any conflicts of interest.
The Financial Transformation Team suggests a ‘beach tax’, pointing out that thousands are using these prime public assets totally free of charge.

July

New bus operator Connex complains it is being undercut by Guernsey’s cheap taxis. ‘How can we compete with £10 for three miles?’ says a spokesman.
Carla McNulty Bauer goes missing during a city break to Riga.
The Overseas Aid Commission helps to provide clean drinking water to villagers in Jersey.

August

Deputy Lee Van Katwyk appeals to islanders to stop scrawling their political ideas on his vehicle.
Bernard Flouquet is offered a job on Barack Obama’s re-election campaign team.

September

Following the States’ decision on solid waste disposal, environmental campaigners push for the States to export our liquid waste to Jersey too. PSD replies that it already does when the tide is right.
Guernsey bus fares double from £10 to £20 following pressure from the Financial Transformation Team.

October

Deputy Mary Lowe publishes a self-help book on positive thinking.
Guernsey FC is runaway leader of the new league it’s entered this season. The team is now eight points clear of its nearest challenger, St Thomas’s primary school.

November

Following success in bringing in a waste water charge shortly before announcing there’s no need for sewage treatment, and putting extra duty on fuel to pay for a non-existent transport strategy, the States announces a reciprocal health care levy, a road closure coordination tax and a deep-water berth charge. A spokesman says: ‘Even if they never happen, the cash will always come in useful.’
The £80m. airport redevelopment is blamed for the chief minister having to spend a record eight days in Guernsey during 2012.

December

Treasury minister Barry Paint tells the States that it’s far too soon to decide on Guernsey’s new tax strategy. Instead he doubles domestic rates and puts up duty on booze and fuel. Chief Minister John Gollop describes it as ‘a good news Budget’. The Financial Transformation Team slaps a 10% tax on Christmas to help fill the black hole.