Mandy Le Bachelet wants other youngsters to learn from her son’s death. (0610214)

THEY may have been sitting in their garden on a glorious summer day, but the dark shadow of their loss was never far away from Mandy and Colin Le Bachelet.

On Wednesday the grieving couple were a picture of brave resilience – despite only recently going through something no parent should ever have to do: dealing with the death of their son.

But their unguarded expressions tell a very different tale – a harrowing one that they have now agreed to share.

Theirs is a story that has touched the hearts of thousands of islanders of all ages.

When 14-year-old Jean-Pierre, known as J-P, took his own life at Rousse Tower last month, Colin and Mandy were simply devastated.

It is a loss that they, along with his elder brother, Marcel, 17, their extended family and scores of young islanders who knew him either socially or through school, are still coming to terms with.

For J-P, life had just become too painful to continue with.

But those left behind must now find some way to move on.

Colin Le Bachelet says his family will never be the same after the tragic loss of Jean-Pierre. (0610211)

Mandy and Colin’s first step was a large, poignant celebration of his life at Vale Castle on 5 July, which drew more than 400 islanders of all ages.

The humanist service, led by Gary Vaudin, included a black coffin displaying an Emo Box logo that J-P and a friend had designed to one day use for a clothing range.

But despite the world that Emo drew their young son into, Mandy and Colin don’t hold it responsible for his untimely death.

‘A lot has been made about J-P being into Emo culture,’ said Mandy whose cheery bright-pink top and highlights can’t disguise her obvious heartbreak.

‘But we’re not bitter about Emo: we don’t blame the music or the ideas. We just think that society has changed: kids don’t talk and communicate with each other in the old ways any more.

‘They turn to the Internet these days.

That’s something that worries us about other young people, here in Guernsey, who are still doing this.’

Emo, with its dark, emotive poetry and music, was certainly something that influenced the final six months of their son’s short life.

A smiling Jean-Pierre in early school photos. (0610861)

It helped him express his feelings.

Instead, Colin and Mandy reserve a lot of blame for faceless internet messaging, though they don’t see it as the only factor. They believe a depressive episode that had started many months before was at the root of the tragedy.

The youngster had a history of problems dating back to a serious bout of glandular fever when he was in Year 5 at Vale School.

This led to him missing out on work that, despite him being academically bright, was something he thought he would never catch up with.

After the illness he became lethargic and it was increasingly hard for him to get back to a normal routine.

Soon, other physical symptoms started such as severe stomach pains, sickness and allergies.

At one stage he had suspected appendicitis.

There followed lots of blood tests, something that he grew to hate. He would often vomit or faint.

J-P in his Grammar School uniform. (0610220)

The eventual explanation seemed to be that he was stressed. ‘You don’t really think that a 13-year-old boy would be suffering with stress,’ said Mandy. ‘But he was. It became a vicious circle because he started to fall seriously behind and came to dread going to school.’

Last year J-P was officially diagnosed with stress, irritable bowel and possible depression and was referred to Bell House for treatment.

But by the beginning of December, the family started to realise there was a lot more behind their son’s behaviour.

They discovered that he had been self-harming since September. He eventually could hide the cuts and scars on his lower arms no longer.

‘J-P told us he had been having black thoughts and had felt suicidal,’ said Mandy, who immediately sought more help. ‘We all just hoped that it was a phase: a severe reaction brought on by adolescence. We just thought he would get better.’

Nevertheless, they began to keep a close eye on him, something he began to resent.

‘There had been a couple of other incidents that really began to distress us. On one occasion he ran away from school and left a goodbye note. Another time he took an overdose. But we just hoped it was a cry for help and he would get through. Obviously in the end that was wrong.’

The couple, who say they have a strong relationship, are trying hard not to blame themselves. ‘We have days when we do,’ said Colin. ‘It’s natural. But I honestly don’t think we could have done anything else. He knew we loved him. The problem is that you can’t keep him prisoner.

If you do, they come to resent you and you just push them further into their own secret world.

‘We knew we had to try to respect his privacy but within boundaries.’

Jean-Pierre during a day on the beach with friends. (0610855)

J-P’s love of the internet was a worry but they decided not to ban him from using it, opting instead to restrict the length of time he could go on.

He didn’t have a computer in his bedroom, which helped, but ultimately the talks and online chats he had were to prove a major influence.

‘We know that J-P spoke to others about self-harming through the net. That’s pretty hard to deal with, said Colin. ‘I think it shows how times have changed. This is something that many young people hear about through these sites. They would probably never have even thought about it before. It just shows the power these things have: it’s worrying. We never had to deal with that kind of thing when we were younger.’

J-P’s self-harming meant he would miss games at school, adding to his feelings of isolation. But ironically, as the turnout to the service and another memorial organised by his friends at Pembroke Bay would later reveal, he was a very popular character.

‘He seemed to think he had no friends, but he did,’ said Mandy. ‘He played the drums in a band with his brother, had a best friend, a girlfriend and many other mates. It’s almost as if he couldn’t see the true picture: that he didn’t believe it.’

Looking back now, Mandy can see how even from a very young age some of the warning signs were already there. Always an independent spirit, he was an extremely sensitive, thoughtful child.

‘I remember we were once watching TV and an advert came on for homeless dogs. He asked me to give part of his pocket money to the charity and he kept that payment up all the way through. He only stopped that to donate to the NSPCC more than a year ago.’

The animal interest later evolved into his support for charity PETA which campaigns against cruelty. J-P also became a vegetarian.

‘And it wasn’t just animals. He couldn’t bear to watch news programmes about people suffering, especially children, in other parts of the world. He seemed to take all those worries on his shoulders,’ said Mandy. ‘He even asked for his birthday and Christmas presents to be donated to the Children in Africa charity and Oxfam.’

But it was finding his poetry – which spoke of his self-harming – that really worried his mum and dad. Cutting himself was his way to release the stress.

‘He spoke about the blade flashing in the light and wrote things like, “I feel helpless and trapped in an invisible body.

I open my veins for the world to see”.

‘It is hard for us to think that he was so young and was writing that,’ said Mandy.

Life for his parents became like walking on eggshells. ‘We would start to worry if he was upstairs in his room for a long time, or in the bathroom.’

But from the beginning of the year they worked hard to give him things to look forward to. There was a trip to Zurich to see his new baby cousin who he adored and a concert in London with a very close friend. He was really looking forward to a family reunion at the end of July when he would see all his young cousins.

Yet the darkness was never far away.

His school attendance dwindled to just a few sessions here and there. ‘He just couldn’t face it. He thought he didn’t fit in anymore,’ said Mandy. ‘He would seem ok at home and I knew I had to give him some space and privacy – however, he chose not to save his computer messages.  But eventually something, a feeling or a message, may have triggered his suicide attempts.’

‘We know that on one occasion someone’s response to his thoughts had been, “Just do it then”,’ said Colin, ‘which shows how things can be taken out of perspective and how dangerous these kinds of message can be.’

ON the night he died, the family did not hear until around 9. J-P had no ID on his body. Although he was still alive when he reached hospital, there was little brain activity. His wish had always been to donate his organs, something his mum and dad agreed to see happen.

Hundreds of mourners turned out to say a final farewell to Jean-Pierre and sign a book of condolence. His coffin, carried by his family and friends, dislayed his own Emo logo. (0602252)

But it did mean that due to tissue tests and urgent matching work by a transplant centre in the UK, more harrowing hours lay ahead for the Le Bachelets. J-P’s life did not finally end until after the last tests and procedures two days later.

‘At least we can see the transplants as a positive thing in all this,’ said Mandy. ‘Several people benefited, though what touched us the most was hearing that J-P has helped an 11-year-old girl.’

Today their loss is still raw. Suddenly they are a family-of- three. Both Mandy, who works at Specsavers, and Colin, who is at the Royal Bank of Canada, are on compassionate leave.

‘Our employers have been great and very understanding. Another part of you just wants to get back to some kind of normality,’ said Colin. ‘In fact, you get conflicting emotions. It’s like waking up from a nightmare but realising the nightmare is real. We’ll be driving along the coast and see other young kids and expect to see J-P too. You feel cheated, but there is nothing you can do.’

The couple have been to Rousse Tower where J-P decided to end his life. ‘We only agreed to talk to the Press to try to get our message across. We don’t want to see anyone else try anything stupid because of what J-P has done.

‘Our son had a mental illness that eventually took his life.

‘It may seem as if he was the ultimate Emo hero but that is not how we want it to be portrayed.

‘We are trying to cope by accepting that we were very lucky to have had J-P – even though he was only meant to be with us for a short time.’

sheneghan@guernsey-press.com.