Cemetery officials have mementos of baby tidied up
Wednesday 11th May 2011, 2:30PM BST.
Lisa James, right, with her son, Harley Pengelley, and her parents, Stephen and Beverley, at the grave of Theo, who died aged just 36 hours.
A MOTHER whose baby died shortly after birth was devastated when she found mementos had been removed from his grave by cemetery authorities.
Lisa James, 21, was told that a photo, some small stones and other keepsakes on son Theo’s grave at Le Foulon Cemetery made it ‘cluttered and tatty’.
Her mum, Beverley James, said her daughter fell to her knees and cried when she saw items had been removed last Wednesday, exactly 13 weeks after her baby’s premature death.
‘I knew it had not been pinched because it had all been tidied up,’ said Miss James. ‘The caretaker was told he had to take it off because it was cluttered, tatty and a health risk.’
- Read the full story in the Guernsey Press. See below for subscription details. Individual editions are also available.
- To read Guernsey Press stories in full click here for subscription details. Individual editions are now available online.
Island Life
All about Guernsey
Ambassador of the Year 2011
History & Heritage
Visitor Information
Guernsey's government
Campaigns
Voice For Victims
Voice for Victims is a campaign aimed at promoting the rights of those affected by child sexual abuse.
This is Guernsey
Guernsey Press
Useful Links
Let people grieve how they feel they need to. They should be allowed to put personal keepsakes around a grave.
These items were not doing anything to do with anyone other than the family themselves.
Health & safety hazard…ridiculous !
Report abuse
I have seen graves (not in Guernsey, I might add) where bottles of whiskey, golf balls, fishing tackle, musical instruments,etc, etc, have been left, obviously in a sentimental fashion to highlight the character of the person in the grave…I never found it offensive, indeed quite the opposite as it seemed to me that friends and relatives were keen to keep contact with the deceased.
To tell someone their attempt to keep contact is “tatty” shows the utmost insensitivity.
Report abuse
I have some sympathy with the general principle that the cemetary should not be adorned with personal tributes other than the headstone and flowers – otherwise, it would get out of hand. What some people consider to be a fitting tribute may be regarded by the people visiting the neighbouring grave to be an encroachment on their ability to pay respects to their loved one.
However, given that the child had only recently been buried, I would have hoped that the family would have been contacted first, been reminded of the rules and asked to ensure that the items were removed within a reasonable period. Maybe they were?
Report abuse
Of course people grieve in different ways and certain sections of society seem to like to do so in a materialistic way by arranging displays of material goods, notably multicoloured plastic and photographic ones.
However, it is unbecoming and unnecessary to make the grieving process a public exhibition.
So I think it is quite right that the offending goods have been removed.
Report abuse
Terry L. …whereas, of course, “people visiting the neighbouring grave” may find it quite touching…always try and flip the coin Terry.
Report abuse
I have every sympathy with the mother and relatives of this child, I am also mindful of Vic’s comments above. We have to take on board however, the constraints of cemetery officialdom. I see no reason whatsoever why officialdom cannot allow a short period of mourning at a cemetary, in whichever way those who have lost a dear member of their family should be restricted,in the initial stages of mourning. That way, those others who consider graveside tacky stuff will be appeased and allow those who chose to remember this way will have an opportunity to do so.
Report abuse
These issues are always emotive and I have some sympathy for the authorities. It must be an impossible job trying to please everyone, especially around a graveyard where people will naturally be extremely sensitive.
The way people choose to grieve in our culture does seem to have changed though. Recent funerals I have attended demonstrate this change, including being asked to wear bright colours. It’s not exactly surprising this has found its way to the graveside.
I do think we need to move with the times, and providing the “tributes” stay within the confines of the grave and don’t encroach on the dignity and privacy of others I don’t really see a problem.
We all have our opinions and some may not like this style of mourning however I do think people should be allowed to mourn in a way they deem appropriate without unnecessary interference.
Report abuse
vic – is there any indication that I did not consider the flip side? But this is a situation where people will have different views and you can never please everyone. Consideration for others usually leads one to err on the side of not doing something, rather than doing what you want.
Stitello – exactly. A reasonable period and some tact and compassion is all that is required.
Report abuse
100% appalled at reading this!! Has the world become so indoctrinated by so called “Health and Safety” that a greiving mother cannot leave mememtos of her dead child at his graveside to commemorate him then its a poor world! I think the persons concerned should be ashamed of themselves for doing this uneccesaryily cruel act to a greiving woman. Absoloutley awful!
Report abuse
I have lived next to cemetery all my life. A few years ago it was voted the best cemetery in Britain. However I have always found it to be quite a sad/morbid place. I have visited a cemetery where people have left lots of mementos on graves and ribbons on trees. People were have lunch and picnics in the grounds and there was even a playground for children. The whole atmosphere of the cemetery was filled with positive outlook of remembrance.
Report abuse
What a terribly insensitive & over officious act. We have so much symapathy with the family and especially poor Lisa.
Theo was born at a similar time to our new arrival and our heart goes out to you for your loss and for, what could be said as, the desecration of your little boy’s grave.
Report abuse
I cryed when I read this story, i know myself if anything ever happened to my child I would kill myself I couldnt go on living without my child. But the killing of yourself isnt a easy thing to do and with the help of friends and family I might just be holding it together. If I was JUST holding together I know for me something like this would push me over the edge, as there say the final straw. This is how I would be but I couldnt comment on the lady above feelings. Im so sorry for your loss, there are heartless bast…s!
Report abuse
I started telling my dad this story before I got to the end he was ranting and raveing saying “sick people, who in there right mind, I hope the police catch the vandals that did this, they should be locked up and throw any the key. At this point I had to stop him to tell him it wasnt vandals it was the cemetery authorities that had taken them! You should of seen the shocked look of disgust on his face, for a minuet he thought id must of been jokeing!
Report abuse
@St Marcouf. How insensitive to say that people should not be allowed to grieve their lost loved ones at the grave where they are laid to rest. Yes, a graveyard is public land, but you have to respect the feelings of that family. How would you feel if it were you who had lost someone – especially a small baby who was lost so young.
This whole situation is terrible, especially within only a few short months of the death and I have every sympathy for this young lady.
I could understand longer-term but at least give the family a chance to get over this very sad time.
Report abuse
Clearly cemetary officialdom share the same handbook as the Environment department.
“are the mementos in keeping with the surroundings??”
Report abuse