(Illustration by Peewee)

YOU know there’s been all these complaints about how the States can’t make a quick decision, Eugene? Well, it seems they’ve found a way round it, mon vieux. The departments, they just make a decision on their own, without bothering to go to the States, eh?

We’ve had the Policy Council making that payment to the UK fishermen and then refusing to say how much they paid. Then the Legislation Committee, they’ve even changed a law in just a few days without bothering to ask the States. I didn’t know we had a legislation committee, mon vieux, and perhaps some of the deputies didn’t either, because they were really cross when they found out, them.

I have to say, it didn’t help when the chairman of the committee admitted they hadn’t even read the law before they changed it. Mick, from Fermain, he said States members who don’t know what they’re doing are nothing new, but admitting it makes a change, eh?

It seems it was this new police chief again, Eugene – he saw the UK had changed their law, so he wanted the Guernsey one changed. And straight away the committee agreed without even looking at what they were changing. I know there’s been a fuss about how long it takes the States to do things, but that’s going to the other extreme, eh?

Old Mick, he blames the Law Officers, him, but then he’s never forgiven them for messing up the fishing limits, eh? He was saying they’re supposed to be too busy to deal with mental heath laws and animal protection laws and all that, but they can change a law in just a few weeks if they want to.

Now the States want to change another law as well, so the Royal Court can decide on life sentences themselves instead of it being done by the English courts. That Home Department one, he said it would give the Guernsey court more autonomy.

The funny thing is, a few weeks back, there was this English judge saying some of our laws were too strict because they didn’t match England’s and he got the appeal court to overrule a decision. So what’s the point giving the Guernsey court more power if it can be overruled by England, eh?

Old Mick said he agreed with the Press, him, that the Law Officers are autonomous already. He said they sometimes they act like a law unto themselves, eh?

It’s like that Environment and their planners, Eugene. You know they refused to let that shop open to Griffins Grotto because they had to make the products they sold? Well, now they’ve allowed a butcher to open there instead. But Mick said he’s been round the back of the shop and he didn’t see any beef cows in the yard, him.

And then there’s that jewellers in Town, that had their window smashed and thousands of pounds of jewellery taken? They put a metal grille up every night to protect the window, but the planners have said they can’t have an automatic grille that just slides down, because it’s a listed building. I agree people shouldn’t be allowed to spoil old Guernsey buildings, mon vieux, but when you think, you don’t get many tourists standing outside admiring the shop, eh? And if they put a grille up at night anyway, I don’t suppose it would look any different.

Mick said there wouldn’t be a problem installing automatic shutters to Sir Charles Frossard House, because there’s not much chance of that being listed, unless it’s for demolition. But then, I don’t suppose people would want to break in there, mon vieux. It’s more likely some of the workers would like to break out, eh?

Mick was telling me they’ve done a survey to the cliffs above the Vallette and they’re not too sure how stable the rock face is, so they’re talking about putting some of that big netting to keep it together and stop any rocks falling down. I was thinking, me, that’s like a safety grille, Eugene, and the cliffs are older than the jewellers, so perhaps they should be refused permission because the cliff is listed. Mind you, I suppose that’s the trouble with the rock face in the first place, eh?

I said to Mick, perhaps they could just park some of these airport lorries underneath to collect any rocks that fall, then they could take them to the airport and save importing so much infill, eh?

I don’t suppose you’ve heard, but there’s already problems with the planning permission for the airport work, mon vieux. It seems Public Services didn’t think to tell the Environment about using Longue Hougue for workers’ accommodation and now the planners have refused because it’s a change of use. But they kept saying how they’d done a comprehensive consultation before they drew up their plans, eh? Perhaps they forgot to consult other States departments, Eugene. Or they treated any feedback like comments from the public and just ignored them, eh?

Mick said it doesn’t look good if some of the plans have been rejected before they even start – and that’s after they said lessons had been learned with the overspend on the new terminal building, eh?

Talking about that, I saw on the Press the States went to the High Court to sort out a dispute with the contractors, but the court said they couldn’t go to arbitration because they didn’t put the right words in when they drew up the contract. I suppose Mick will say that’s the Law Officers again, eh? Still, if there’s a fuss, the Policy Council can just agree an out-of-court settlement and refuse to tell anyone what they’ve done, eh?

And still on contracts, I told you about the buses and how there was a fuss because they’re breaking down after only eight years and there’s no money to replace them, eh? Well, now the Environment say they’re surprised the bus usage has gone down. I wonder what they expected after they put the prices up, mon vieux? They still won’t admit they got the wrong ones and they’re too bloney big, them. Like I said to Mick, the idea was to get cars off the roads and the way some of them drive, perhaps the idea is to go round bends so fast they sweep cars off the roads, eh?

I suppose there will be more buses on the roads soon when the schools go back, so that will be the summer over – what there’s been of it, eh?

Mick was saying how they normally use the school holidays to dig up all the main roads, but he heard they’re going to close the Mauxmarquis right through to Christmas, to put in water pipes. He said he didn’t think the Mauxmarquis was on the airport lorries’ route, eh?

Then again, if it’s like the workers’ accommodation, it could all change, mon vieux. Perhaps it will all go back to the drawing board, like the incinerator.

Caw, if that happens and they still want to get the runway done quickly, they’ll have to go to the Law Officers to make a new law, eh?

A la perchoine,

Your cousin, Emile.